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I often find myself excited by the idea of flowing water. My brain becomes this overjoyed, radiating machine of bliss at the sight of a stream/brook/river (etc). I've always been fascinated by flowing water ever since I was small, and I never really questioned it until I grew up a bit. Mostly, this came about because other people questioned why I would get so excited and bewildered by what was seemingly mundane. This is a common theme throughout my life, as mundane things seem to really grab my attention. I grew up obssessibely staring at things like clocks, hourglasses, metronomes, lavalamps and the like, and being enthralled by them, sometimes to an almost spiritual degree where I felt out of place, time and body. I'm sure there are plenty of ways anyone outside of my personal experience can spin this, though I dont really care to hear what others think of it. Instead, as this is MY platform to regurgitate my own thoughts, I will spill it all out for everyone reading so you, whomever is reading, can get a small, slimey, festering scrib* of my experience.
(Scrib: A diminutive amount of something; much like a scribble. Syn: "Bit.")
The soft, fuzzy feeling of watching these processes play out is my own being somehow matching the flow of time itself. I know that sounds like a bunch of weird bullshit from the mouth of some crazy cult fanatic, but its really the only way in words I can put it. Seeing flowing water, or the ticking, turning mechanisms of the clock, or the falling sands of the hourglass takes me out of the bubble of presence in the physical world, dissociating from physical space until I am, consciously, there WITH the flowing water, or the flowing sand, or whatever it is.
It sounds like the absurd ramblings of some supreme madwoman, but again, the words I have to express this are limited. I guess in some way this is my extremely convoluted way of saying "it makes me feel nice :) " but it feels like so much more than that, not in a way that I think is Earth-shattering or some weird "Sell you my worldview" type of speech. I think, indelibly, its an aspect of my being that shouldnt be watered down, nor should it be written off as some kind of madness. It is, by all means, a quirk of my personality, as many a human being tends to have. However, I would in no way want to underexplain the heft this feeling has. So what does this all even mean? Why am I spilling guts on my blog about a weird, indescribable feeling pertaining to the narrow experience of my own life?
Honestly, I dunno.
And I don't really have to justify it. Sometimes in life, you are just presented with these little indescribable things and you kinda just have to accept them, leave them be, let them be part of the tapestry. I see no reason to shame myself for it, just as I have no reason nor right to shame others for their own harmless quirks. Maybe the flowing water, the clock mechanisms, the falling sand, they are all the things I accept. The passing of time, the presence of nature, the human need to create reflections of our own experiences, etc. Its not a problem, nor a bug in my system. Its a feature.
And I like it :) .

The tail-end of this year (2023) inches closer as we transition into another stepping stone of uncertainty. Each day gestates a new polyp of anxiety in the face of worsening conflict. Tension grows even in the most benign of places; the elevator, the bank, the supermarket. The wellbeing of the people is worse than its ever been, and is being overshadowed by false promises of "innovation." Through this lens of doom and despair it is easy to fall into the niche of cynicism. Fortunately, I am not one to yield so easily to it. Though the skies grow red and the nights grow restless with worry, I still stand ever strong. Not even the ending of the world could cut me down nor pull me from my roots. I dont know what exactly keeps me sane in all of this. Perhaps it is the love of friends and family, perhaps it is the hope of a brighter future, or maybe its the pills. Whatever the reason, it doesnt really matter. I still think of a better world because its all I can think of. I can't lose hope. I owe it to the people I love and cherish to not lose hope. Im just a lowly artist with too sentimental a heart, but at the very least I can paint a better future in my mind.

After a long period of being sidetracked, I have finally committed to finishing the blog section of my site! Its been quite a while since I dug into the guts of this project and added a new section but I'm glad I got around to it. This will be the inaugural post for this blog, so I'm not going to spill any major opinions or musings just yet. Rest assured, though, those will come down the line at some point. For now, to anyone reading, I just ask that you be well and keep your head held high. 👍